- Date: Monday, July 7, 2008 -- 7pm
- Location: Somerville, MA
- Kitchen: Matty's Apartment
- Dining Companion: Matty
- Recipe Rating: B-
This recipe isn't online.
Well, I got a lot of responses concerning my friendly email invitation to Matty for what turned out to be our first date. My claim is still that I wasn't asking him out on a date -- I was just trying to be friendly since he was new in town. Matty claims I was after him. After reading the comments it seems that almost everyone agrees with him!
This actually explains a lot. In this particular case, I thought Matty seemed nice, smart, and cute, so I was not at all adverse to the romantic turn that things took. But, I have sent similar emails to men that I am not at all romantically interested in. And more than once, it seems, I have sent the wrong message. Case in point: earlier this summer I sent an email to someone who was sort of new in town inviting him to a party. A party I was holding at my special gentleman's place. I thought this was unambiguously a purely friendly invite. I just figured it might be good for him to get to know some of the people coming to the party. He couldn't make it though, and it wasn't until more than a month later that I realized that he had thought I was asking him out on a date. Whoops. I cleared that up for him as soon as I realized, but it makes me wonder how many people out there secretly think I am holding a torch for them when I thought I was just being friendly. I have actually been "dumped" four times by math guys that I wasn't pursuing. This usually happens by email, and all the emails have the same form:
I don’t want to date you.
I know you want to date me, but I don’t want to date you. I know this hurts you and I’m sorry. I am interested in you, but I don’t think we should date.
I think it’s probably not a good idea for us to date.
It's a weird phenomenon, these emails. On one occasion I got really angry. I wrote an email response that I later regretted. Since, I learned instead to be soft and apologetic, explaining clearly the friendly non-romantic feelings I have for the person.
After the overwhelming response to my email to Matty, I now understand that maybe my "friendly" is too "flirty" and is not to be used on the opposite sex unless I have romantic intentions. Ah, live and learn...